He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
