If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
