she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
