I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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