hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize