God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
