Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
