you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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