I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize