How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
