I don't think brook has ever known best
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
