She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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