I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
