I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
