Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
