This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
