My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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