Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize