We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
