I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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