I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
