someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
