Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
