i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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