Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
