Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
