Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
