I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
