oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
