so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
