my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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