and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
