I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
