My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
