i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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