he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize