This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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