Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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