hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are all done wearing pants today
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize