I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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