can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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