Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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