you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
