Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
