So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
