If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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