I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize