Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
