dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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