I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
