Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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