I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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