i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
