He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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