You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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