is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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