She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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