James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
