What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
