just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize