FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
