I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
