oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
