Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
