I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
