I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
