Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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