Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
